if i don't write in here, i guess i won't write in anywhere.

andy milonakis lives across the street. well, almost. there is this boy who i would like to describe to you but he's very complicated. he bounces a basketball in his driveway most days, while repeating the same indecipherable phrase over and over and over with the same exact intonations. he has the voice of a 6 year old, and kind of looks like a blonde andy milonakis. for all i know he's 48 too. he is captivating. i want to invite him over for a cupcake and talk to him and see if he's mentally retarded or just doesn't have any friends. it seems those two things are easily confused. i know that when i have no friends, i go crazy. and thus maybe seem mentally retarded as i do ribbon dancer in my backyard wearing an antique nightgown.

a while back i started a list of gifts to give someone you don't like. i think about this list almost every day, and i keep thinking of really good additions but then i forget because i don't write it down. i'm going to fix this problem. here are a few, starting with the original:

1." the passion of the christ" on DVD

2. a box of cookies that you already opened and ate half the cookies

3. a custom-made puzzle that features a photograph of yourself giving two middle fingers. and then when your friend completes the puzzle, they'll get the surprise. OR if you can somehow get a picture of your friend's mother naked, and then put her on the puzzle. that could be harder.